


higher love

by xelated



Series: xelated snapped harder than thanos [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), F/F, F/M, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Angst, James “Bucky” Barnes centric, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Endgame, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-16 09:25:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18688696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xelated/pseuds/xelated
Summary: Textbooks don't tell you everything.





	higher love

**Author's Note:**

> For my friends who urged me to write this.  
> -  
> None of the fics in this series are related unless stated otherwise

Steve looked around in awe as the hundreds of once lost people reappeared all around him ready for the fight. He noticed the Queens kid along with T’challa, Strange and so many others. He subconsciously kept an eye out for Bucky and when his gaze landed on his lost friend he couldn’t help but feel a tug in his chest. Five years. Five long years without seeing him, it seemed surreal. He tried to catch Buckys line of sight but the other man was already firing off shots and knocking any unwanted creatures away with his metal arm. Steve was forced to look away once he heard Tony yelling at him to get a move on and fight, and so he grabbed his new found weapon- Mjolnir, and ran out into the sea of creatures and allies.

Taking down creature after creature was tough even for a super soldier like himself, and yet he kept fighting, it truly was the fight of their lives. He and Thor fought side by side until Steve spotted Peter struggling against a horde of the foul creatures, the metal spider arms protruding from his back took out as many enemies as it could handle but they were relentless, all after one thing- the gauntlet.

“Hey Queens! Heads up” Steve called out, throwing the hammer in Peters direction. Luckily for him the kid caught on and held on to the hammer, subsequently pulling him from the gaggle of creatures below. He heard a faint thanks as the boy was taken away by the hammer.

Steve whipped around at the sound of an inhuman screech heading right towards him. Steve raised his damaged shield- its jagged edges being his only defence. He awaited the attack as he raised his shield in an attempt to protect himself, but the hit never came. Instead he felt the dead weight of the creature crash into him, knocking him down to the dirt clad ground. Steve shoved the corpse off of his body and looked up to see a hand extended out to him, his eyes travelled up the arm and to the person offering help- this person being none other than Bucky Barnes.

“Time to haul ass Stevie, don’t want you dying out here now do we?” Buckys gruff voice was like music to Steves ears, five years without hearing it was too long for him. Steve gladly accepted Buckys help up, once back on his feet he briefly noted that Bucky was saying something, however Steve couldn’t help himself as he practically threw himself into his best friends arms, Bucky was slightly taken aback but quickly welcomed the familiar feeling of holding Steve close.

Much to their dismay, their embrace was cut short, Bucky took a moment to take the whole situation in.

“Strange said it was five years for you”

“Yeah, five years too many” whilst Steves voice appeared light and joking, there was an underlying tone of guilt that didn’t go unnoticed by Bucky. He knew Steve too well, he knew when the guy was beating himself up.

“Quit your moping, we got a war to win” Bucky patted Steves shoulder as the blonde nodded in agreement before Bucky raised his gun shooting at the oncoming group of creatures.

Steve raised his hand to the sky, willing for Mjolnir to come to his aid, and sure enough, seconds later, the hammer found itself planted in Steves hand.

“Well that’s new” Bucky chuckled, Steve smiled to himself, he’d missed this, being beside Bucky, fighting alongside him, together.

 

The pair slowly fought their way to the centre of the battlefield where the majority if not all the avengers were fighting, Steve spotted Peter and Tony having their own reunion, he thought back to the devastated expression upon Tonys face when he’d said he’d lost the kid. Steve and Bucky joined up with the others, many were already anticipating Thanos’ appearance.

“Nice of you to join us Cap” Tony called out as soon as he rejoined the group, Peter trailing behind.

“Miss me Stark?”

“You wish”

“um mr Stark?” Peter called out shakily

“What is it kid?” Tony turned to the boy who was staring wide eyed at something behind Tony’s shoulder, Peter raised his hand and pointed. Tony and the rest of the heroes turned to see Thanos making his way closer and closer, the thud of his heavy boots shaking the very ground they stood on. “Lets do this” Tony said rather unsurely

“Sir we’re gonna win right?” Peter stepped up to Tonys side

“Yeah we are. And we’re gonna do it together” He glanced at Steve who nodded, a bittersweet smile gracing his lips.

If this was the end, he was sure as hell going to go down fighting.

 

Everyone took hit after hit, wether that be from Thanos himself or one of his minions. Steve stuck by Bucky, Peter with Tony and Pepper, Carol with Valkyrie, and so on. They didn’t stop, they wouldn’t- they couldn’t. Too many lives were at stake, and too many lives had already been taken.

“Come one Avengers! We may all be strong but together we’ll be unstoppable!” Steve roared, charging right into the thick of the battle, meaning Bucky had to follow that kid from Brooklyn, like he always had.

Nobody was pulling their punches, Carol got knocked back and landed by Steve who was about to go in for another attack

“Come on Captain this ain’t the time to be sitting around” Steve joked lightly

“Shut it Cap” Carol muttered goodheartedly before pushing herself to her feet.

The amount of destruction that happened within a matter of minutes was shocking to say the least, this was so much worse than anything they’d ever faced before and it was terrifying to think what the world would’ve been like if no heroes resided on it.

Steve faltered in his attack once he saw Bucky knocked to the ground but he was comforted by the fact that Wanda had Buckys back, the attack on his friend only made Steve fight harder, if not for himself then for Bucky- he had to make it out alive. Carol eventually got a hold on Thanos keeping him stationary in order for someone to do something, that someone was Tony Stark. He took a hold of the Gauntlet and despite the urgent cries of his friends he slid the gauntlet on, the energy almost rendered him unconscious, it was a searing pain coursing through his body, but he withheld enough strength to snap his fingers just like Thanos had years ago.

Tony collapsed to the ground and Peter rushed down to help him, ripping off the now wrecked gauntlet, Tony was breathing, he was alive, barely conscious, but alive. Steve stood frozen beside Bucky as he looked around at the suddenly quiet battle field. The creatures were disappearing into the fine dust that his loved ones had not long ago, although this time he felt no remorse. Moments later he felt a weight within his hand, he looked down to see Buckys hand resting in his while the brunette watched the hundreds of disappearing creatures, Steve intertwined their hands and he too looked on at the aftermath of their biggest fight.

When Bucky finally turned to him he smiled a teary smile and pulled his life long friend close- just as he had prior to the fight,

“I love you Steve” Bucky breathed out

“I love you too Buck” Steve grasped onto Bucky as tightly as he could, as if the man would turn to dust like before, but he didn’t, and nothing made Steve happier than knowing Bucky had survived. They shared a kiss, a kiss that was the accumulation of years of suppressed emotions, a kiss that was definitely worth the wait.

They pulled apart staring at one another, finding solace in the presence of the one they love the most.

However their moment of bliss was cut short once Bucky noticed an oncoming figure dashing towards them, it all happened so fast, too fast for him to comprehend. One moment Steve had a sweet smile upon his face, the next he’s staring wide eyed at Bucky with blood seeping from the corner of his mouth, a jagged blade protruding from his stomach and all Bucky could do was stare in horror as Steve tried to understand what had just happened. The blonde fell heavily into Buckys arms, the latter brought him gently to the ground, hand fumbling around the wound trying to find a way to make the blood stop. Seconds ticked by and Buckys hands became redder and redder, memories of past victims of the winter soldier came in flashes through his mind but having Steves blood on his hands was too much. Steve was blinking rapidly in an attempt to stop the tears from falling, but seeing Bucky kneeling beside him so distraught felt like a punch to the gut.

“Hey- hey Bucky its okay- alright just-“

“No its not alright Steve!” Bucky snapped

“Please Buck just-“

“I’ve gotta stop the bleeding but I-“

“Bucky!” Steve rasped, interrupting his stuttering friend “just _stop_ ” he whispered placing his hand to Buckys tear stained cheek “ _please_ ” Bucky stared at Steve as if he were a mad man

“No- no we can get you out of here- we’re gonna get you out of here” Bucky continued, wether he was trying to convince Steve or himself was another story.

“Its okay Buck”  
“but its not is it”

“Promise me one thing”

“No” Bucky practically growled “no. you don’t get to leave. You just don’t” He looked away from Steves pained expression willing himself not to cry harder

“Promise me you’ll live a good life” Steve carried on

“How can I live a good life without you in it?” Bucky finally looked back, his eyes glassy. Steve sighed bringing his other hand up to Buckys face,

“You will” it was more of an instruction- an order, rather than a request. Bucky rested his bloody hand on top of Steves squeezing it hard, he couldn’t let go, but he could feel Steve starting to slip away.

“Its just like you said all those years ago” Steve chuckled, cut off by a cluster of coughs “back when we were young, after ma died” realisation dawned upon Buckys face and he quickly shook his head no. This couldn’t be it.

Steve let one hand drop to his side, but kept his other firmly on Buckys cheek.

“You remember Buck?” He asked despite already knowing the answer “’til the end of the line” his eye lids began to droop, the only thing helping him cling on being his patience in wanting to hear Bucky one last time. Bucky heaved in several deep breathes in order to compose himself however much he could.

“’Til the end of the line” He breathed out brokenly, gazing into Steves eyes one last time.

Steves hand fell to his side with a light thud, a smile graced his face as he breathed his last breath. Bucky leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Steve’s forehead, a final farewell kiss.

Steve was dead, and there was no bringing him back.

Steven Grant Rogers, best friend and lover to James Buchanan Barnes was dead.

 

—

 

Bucky walked through the isle created by the scattered groups of friends- no, _family_. In his hands he carried a beautiful wreath with Steves favourite flowers and in the centre of the bundle was a photograph, one of the few saved from when he and Steve were younger, from before the war. He approached the lake, passing by Tony who stood with an arm around a solemn looking Peter, Tony gave Bucky a brief look of support before Bucky crouched down by the lake, gently placing the wreath in the water but before he let go he took one last look at the photo of him and Steve, arms locked around one another- he remembers the day it was taken. Bucky had returned from a week long trip and both boys were ecstatic to see each other again.

Bucky released his grip on the wreath

“I’ll miss you buddy” he whispered watching as the wreath floated peacefully across the river. He stood back up, turning to see all the pitiful faces of his friends. He may care for them but he couldn’t take it, he saw Carol latching onto Valkyries’ hand, Pepper stood with a hand on Tonys shoulder, and all he could think about was what could’ve been.

As he swiftly left the lakeside and all the people, all he thought about was the fact that he would never see Steve again, never see his smile, his bright eyes, he’d never hear his voice again. He’d not only lost a friend or a lover, he’d lost his home.

 

Wanda tried to stop Bucky from leaving but he didn’t falter, Peter watched the soldiers retreating figure, he looked to Tony for permission

“I may be the last person he wants to talk to, go kid” Peter nodded and sought after Bucky. He found the ex-assassin on the porch steps of Tonys lakeside home. Peter hesitated before sitting down beside Bucky who was fiddling with Steves old compass, the worn photo of himself resided inside.

“What do you want kid?” Buckys voice was deep and thick with emotion, Peter scanned the mans face before speaking

“I want to hear the story” Bucky frowned in confusion “the real story, of Steve Rogers. Not Captain America” He confirmed and Bucky looked away a pained expression covering his face.

“ _Why_ ” was all Bucky could get out

“Because I may have read about you and Steve in the textbooks at school but I know that not everything can be found inside a textbook, and that sometimes the most meaningful and most important things are left out” Peter sighed “I don’t wanna hear your story from some random persons point of view- a person who wasn’t there. I want to hear it from _you_ , from the person who lived that life. I wanna know the real story- the real Steve Rogers, and the real Bucky Barnes” Bucky tossed the idea around in his head for a moment before closing the compass and shifting slightly to face Peter a little.

 

“Well I guess you could say it all started out with a kid from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight”

 

—

 

They spent hours sat on the wooden steps, watching the sun set, Peter had heard story after story- adventures and disasters. He’d learnt more from Bucky than any school issued textbook could teach him. He could tell by just listening to how Bucky spoke about Steve- like he was a the only thing that mattered, and he supposed that to Bucky that may have been true- but he could tell how much Bucky loved the man, he didn’t just love the Steve everyone else saw he loved the man that came before the serum and the suit. Peter found it awfully tragic how the two were ripped apart time after time, they were each others lost loves, and despite finding their way back to one another, their relationship was ephemeral. They may have lived for a hundred years but very few were spent together thanks to the cruel inner-workings of the universe.

“Thank you” Bucky told Peter after he’d finished his story on how Steve was still the clumsiest man he’d ever met,

“What for?”

“For listening. It feels nice to just talk, to talk about the real Steve, no twisting of words- just pure unadulterated Steve.

“Its my pleasure, i guess I always related to Steve in a sense, the little guy wanting to help the little guy ya know?”

“Yeah, You remind me of him, you both have the whole save the world first care about myself later attitude. its not always a great asset to have I suppose but you’re definitely sporting a good heart” Peter grinned appreciatively at the older man before looking to the sky

“You think he’s watching over us?”

“This is Steve we’re talking about, if there’s one thing he can’t do very well- its letting go. although I’d hope he’s up there resting at last” Bucky too shifted his gaze to the darkening sky.

 

—

 

As the years went by Bucky stayed in one of the various lakeside houses made by Tony, he would occasionally help out the new generation of heroes on missions if they ever needed a sniper, however he mostly enjoyed the peace brought by the calm surroundings. He and Peter often met up to talk and just enjoy each others company, more often than not they would talk about their friends, Steve obviously came up frequently as did Peters not so subtle crush on MJ, and if anyone was an expert on crushing on your best friend it was Bucky.

Bucky had a routine. Every night he would sit by the lake, compass in hand, and he would just talk. He’d talk about his worries and deep things he dare not speak of to others, but sometimes it was rather trivial things or simple things like what book he read or who he met up with. No matter the subject he was always talking to one person and one person only- Steve. Bucky being the defiant one, ignored the comments about moving on, he knew it probably wasn’t good for him to be so hung up on Steve but he couldn’t shake the feeling that Steve was listening. Bucky never found anyone else, nobody would fill the hole left in his heart by Steve, he knew that Steve was the one, and unfortunately the universe was a cruel thing and tore them apart.

He may have been alone in the romantic sense but he wasn’t _alone_. His friends made sure to remind him of that pretty much daily. He noticed how Tony would sometimes watch him as he spoke to Steve, he figured Tony was just confused as to why Bucky stared into the sky rain or shine and babbled nonsense but as time went on he began to believe that maybe- just maybe Stark was making sure he went back inside every night, making sure that he was okay.

Wanda had also been an important figure within Buckys life, she too knew how it felt to lose the one you love the most, not only that but to have them taken away from you right in front of your eyes. They both also shared an understanding of being used for anything but the greater good, but in their opinion they’d turned out pretty okay all things considered.

Clint and him had become close, they both enjoyed a good laugh even if it was sometimes at the expense of their friends. Clint had also introduced Bucky into the wonders of archery as a release, or a coping mechanism. Clint often found himself shooting arrow after arrow at the target as thoughts of Natasha swirled around in his mind. Bucky found Clint refreshing in a sense, he gave Bucky a fresh perspective on many things as well as being able to make Bucky laugh until his stomach hurt.

 

Every night when Bucky retired to his room he would run his fingers across the smooth metal of Steves shield which hung proudly on his wall, fixed by this point thanks to Tony. It’s the last thing he sees when he closes his eyes and the first thing he sees when he opens them and every time he couldn’t suppress the small smile that crept onto his face once he saw the shields vibrant colours.

By the time he reached the age of one hundred and ten years old he finally got to see Carol and Valkyrie ‘tie the knot’ so to speak, their union as they preferred to call it had been held in New Asgard, the entirety of the mini kingdom gathered to congratulate their King on her new partner.

Bucky went through his life watching as he and his loved ones grew up.

Peter had lost May by the time he turned thirty two, although he’d had MJ with him to help with the grief, Bucky too offered support to which Peter accepted, they spent many hours reminiscing as they always did. Bucky saw many wonderful things enter and exit the world, wether it be the birth of Peters first child or the loss of said boys wonderful aunt.

Bucky found life to be a strange but _marvellous_ thing.

 

—

 

June 23rd, Bucky lay in his bed with familiar faces surrounding him, namely Peter, Tony, Sam and Clint. He quietly listened as they chatted about anything and everything, though they weren’t here to just chat, he’d called them over. Over the past week Bucky felt himself grow weaker, and he knew that his time on earth would be coming to a close. He didn’t miss the sad looks he got from those surrounding him but he did try his best to lift their spirits.

“I lived a good life” He uttered once his friends had quietened down

“You did” Clint nodded, but he knew that Bucky meant he could’ve lived a better life, a life with Steve.

“Do you think I’ll see him again?”

“He wouldn’t have it any other way Buck” Peter spoke softly as he looked at the man who’d seen him through so much, helped him through so much.

“Good. That’s good” Bucky sighed

“Hey promise us you’ll check on us once in a while” Sam nudged Buckys leg playfully

“Don’t worry I gotcha” Bucky chuckled “I’m feeling kinda tired, I’ll see you guys tomorrow yeah?” Bucky snuggled to keep his eyes open

“Yeah of course” Peter choked out

“I love you guys” Bucky smiled, taking one last look at all the people around him before his eyes settled upon the shield hangling opposite him.

 

James Buchanan Barnes, Bucky to his friends, died at age one hundred and seventy two on June 23rd surrounded by his closest friends.

 

—

 

Bucky cracked open his eyes, but quickly shielded them with his hand due to the near blinding light. Once his eyes adjusted he pushed himself up and spun round to gather his bearings. He noticed his arm was no longer the black and gold vibranium, it was as it was before he lost it. He found himself stood by the lake, next to his house, although here it was brighter. His gaze settled on a silhouette by the lake side, Bucky bit his lip anxiously before heading towards the figure. Bucky sat down as soon as he reached his destination looking into the water briefly seeing his reflection- his skin was smooth, youthful. He twisted his head to his left to see the blonde man grinning

“Hey Buck” The brunette smiled widely

“Hey Steve” His hand fit perfectly with Steves as they just enjoyed one another’s presence “It’s so good to see you. I can barely believe I’m here”

“it took you long enough”

**Author's Note:**

> kudos & comments are appreciated :)


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